2/28: We look awkward and silly in our street shoes on Mount Baker. None of us ski. Mom wants to know if there's a better gift shop, and no, the clerk says, there is not. We are nervous on our feet, Southerners who haven't lived north long enough to trust snow. It's still a hazard, not recreation. We arrive too late, stick out like foreigners. We copy what other people are doing for our photos. "You went skiing once, right?" Mom asks me. "Once," I say. We point out the snowboarders to G., and he laughs when he watches them, already someone else, this kid who is eating pizza on a mountain, who wakes each day among the cedars, who refuses to dress warmly enough for the weather. I was twenty-six the first time I saw the Pacific Ocean. He may never be as easy in the heat as his parents.
3/1: Sometime in the very early morning of this day, I wake up to G. puking. It is the first time, and this has been the joke about me -- will I be able to stand it enough to help him?
3/2: A thicket of trees that looks like smoke.
3/3: A boy at the bus stop sings pop songs in a falsetto. The guy riding a bike barefoot laughs.
3/4: A Pepperworth Plumbing truck passed me on the street. The driver was lighting a pipe with both hands.
3/5: Though I don't have a pass to park here, the security guy just smiles and keeps on walking when he sees what I'm pulling out of the back seat.
3/6: Half the kids at G's school are out sick, and I can feel the next illness coming, can almost see it, like a storm blowing across the water. Ugh.
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2/28: The man from the museum showed us how to soften a strip of wood, and then how to twist it and wrap it into a rope.
ReplyDelete3/01: After watching the movie Coraline I notice that my daughter seems to be very appreciative of me. Apparently the prospect of having an “Other Mother” has left quite an impression on her.
3/02: The wind caused the power to go off before 5:00 this morning, but it didn’t just go off, there was a very loud “bang” as it went off (causing the earth to jolt) and a light flashed outside like lightning, only I knew it wasn’t lightning (I’m sure it was electrical wiring of some sort). No one seems to know what it was that happened, so I’m trying not to worry about it.
3/03: A large woman stood right in front of where I was sitting (two feet), preventing me from watching my daughter swim.
3/04: Rice Krispy Treats made with Fruity Pebbles are a mistake. They’re so sweet even my 8-year old daughter won’t eat them.
3/05: The guy working at the bank told me he could hardly do his job because his hand muscles hurt too much from playing a tambourine the night before.
3/06: A robin followed me around the yard today. Each time I moved from one section to another, she changed trees in the same direction I was going, squawking at me the whole time.
I found a lit journal called Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. Ohh, that says it all. A manifesto. some days thats all I want. Some times when I'm staring at the keyboard out of focus and the keys all slant sideways - just want to get out there. Go yeah. Pretty sounds: good sleep after. There's a smile.
ReplyDeleteOver there, wearing a t-shirt of Bob Marley-morphed-into-a-woman.
The difference between something to do and done is time. For some activities a product is produced. For the others, it it worth it? What will you have traded your time for?
Self destrustive behavior is not deserved. Learn to be fair with yourself.
It's all a big word association game. You may as well ask which bamboo leaf looks like the others as they lay on the forest floor.
progress in life is about finding a place to sit. Some people are ok with a city bench year round. others are driven to an exectutive seat at the board.
Why do I feel so good? This is not expected.
Been good about stopping and journaling when I get home and the twilight approaches. On other days I find other afternoon messages doodled in my class notes or imade during staff meetings at CEED, where I work. Unfortunately the computers at the Center for Educational, Equity and Diversity and all over camous, and my home computer as well repeatedly refuse to accept my comments. I sign on to my Wordpress blog... so this is a another test.
ReplyDeleteMarch 2: Another set of housemates gone, they left us in the lurch with no one to replace them or the rent they pay, but we forgive them because they're young, bright and handsome and breaking up, which is hard to do, hard to do.
ReplyDeleteMarch 3: Read how Clifford Geertz, the famous anthropologist who looked like Santa Claus, and his wife were treated as if they didn't exist, as if they were invisible, for weeks in a Balinese village before being accepted and allowed to be officially perceived by the community.
March 4: I wonder whether Chuckanut Ridge development progresses in the face of the construction industry dying here in Bellingham and nationwide? Will rich people look down on me from on top of Lummi sacred ground, from the enchanted 100 acre woods where we Bellingham born explored as children, and where we continued to explore as children, with our children, when older too? How long do the humble live with the rich looking down on us from mountains they claim that they own? Chuckanut Ridge owns me, I could never own it. It lived long before me, and before my people, even before the Lummi who go so far far back. Why is it sacred ground? Go find out.
March 5: Memorizing lines, difficult lines, important lines, that I must perform soon, too soon. Repeating them, over and over, typing them, reading them, enacting them, forgetting them again and again.
March 6: Can't do everything, not in these last couple weeks of class. Ridiculous how they create this artificial crisis, so dark and dramatic how they call them Dead Week and Finals Week. How many funerals do you have until you're done? Wonder if my professors accept goth make-up for extra-credits, but who needs it? Dark circles come naturally when the rent and utilities still need paying and the food bank lines keep getting longer and you're waiting for a public clinic appointment to deal with a toothache. I have real problems, not simply seasonally generated panic caused by the WWU corporation; homework and a demanding job accelerating out of control out of tradition and class ego.
2/28- My hands burn from typing and I can't help but smile because I have only typed for five minutes
ReplyDelete3/01- A goofy tie on a toddler along with hair gel obviously makes him feel like a stud. I bet he is just like his dad:)
3/02- If I were an animal I would be a duck... if my sister was an animal she would be a hippo.
3/03- City lights are like man made stars. Everyone oohs and aahhs the same way.
3/04- Above and beyond for english projects is the only way to be. Making a video in old english...outrageous.
3/05- Backs painted with beautiful murals we pose half nude mimicing artful decor.
3/06- Sometimes being sick in not worth the great movies you get to watch all day, in fact it's never worth it!
2-28 He asks me what I think about. Talk about an open ended question.
ReplyDelete3-1 I ache so much and feel tired all the time... it reminds me of when my best friend and I were sitting at the lake, watching kids play in the water, and all we wanted to do was sit and sunbathe... and I know I am growing old
3-2 I miss the sun. I'm so cold inside, an internal chill that I can't shake, and I just miss being warm!
3-3 the girl had decided to wear a sparkly silver ribbon in her hair for her birthday, the spirally type you attach to christmas presents. Everyone laughed at her behind her back.
3-4 I want a mansion with statues
3-5 It's so easy to run out of everything
3-6 you'd think after being sick three times you'd get over it. Not me.
2-28
ReplyDeleteThe Wii fit yelled at me today, a computer came yelled at me...and I felt it...
3-1
Where does all the dust come from? When winter is washed away by sunshine, it mysteriously appears...like an inch thick coating of annoyance that no matter how many times you wipe, swipe, or slap it away, it always comes back, where does it come from??
3-2
Mondays are the hardest days, because due to my weekend sleeping habits, my internal clock is completely bashed to pieces, and I don't feel the need to sleep until about 3 am, but since I lie in bed screaming at myself to fall asleep, that delays the sleeping process, my poor body having to deal with exhaustion and anxiety over the constantly-ticking clock...school is never as difficult as it is on Mondays...
3-3
For some reason my group decided to all wear animal costumes for our presentation, unfortunately no one felt it was necessary to email me back to notify me of this. I was handed a bee costume at the beginning of class. The critique a week later: "not sure what the point was of the animal costumes..."
3-4
There is a girl in my nonfiction class who never even attempts to be a student. Rolling her eyes, shrugging her shoulders, and offering not even a single word during small group workshops, I often struggle with the desire to scream, "Why on earth are you even here?"
3-5 English 270 is proving to be the most difficult class I have ever taken, due to my lack of any interest at all in the subject. I actually fear that I may not graduate entirely because of this class...preposterous!
3-6 Everyday I check the bouncing branches of the willow tree just outside my window, just to see if this whole winter thing is ever going to end, I am not a snow kind of gal. Today, I nearly jumped at the sight: The willow tree has buds, Spring is actually close! Never before have I been so thrilled to see winter being kicked out of office, Spring is back, and I couldn't be more excited...
Saturday 2/28: She sports a banana costume constructed out of card board, duct tape and two shades of yellow spray paint.
ReplyDeleteSunday 3/1: CNN headline—“Adm Mullen: Iran likely has stuff to make nukes.” Exhibit A) Journalist ≠ poet.
Monday 3/2: We’ve made a new word! Toocs: (v) to scoot backwards.
Tuesday 3/3: He places the mike in front of the cello. It’s furry and confrontational. Like a squirrel staring down an oak tree.
Wednesday 3/4: I think I had bad soy milk today. It was in a coffee, steamed. I was too sleepy to realize I ought to say something about it.
Thursday 3/5: Ear plugs have a sound of their own. It’s not quite silence, more like a sub-auditory crackle, or really distant bubble-wrap.
Friday 3/6: Some department stores smell like cardboard and tape, others smell like perfume. All of them make my eyes sting.
2/28 - Blood drips into the sink creating a red swirl as it mixes with the running water. Some kitchen knives are very sharp.
ReplyDelete3/1 - Men sit eating subway taking a break from building a fence.
3/2 - A man with long dreadlocks sips a beer at the bar.
3/3 - For the first time in probably three or four years, a professor asked me to do a title page for a paper. How annoying. I don't even remember how to do title page correctly. Does MLA even require title pages??
3/4 - I'm tired of school and even though I'm only a quarter away from graduating, I threaten to drop out on a daily basis. I'm constantly re-evaluating the purpose of a degree.
3/5 - Why are some people so rude that they ONLY call when they want something from you?
3/6 - I'm tired of having the same conversations over and over again. What are you doing after you graduate? Should I apply to a masters program? Will there be any jobs? What's my back-up plan? I think this week I'm just plain tired of dealing with things.
2-28: Dinner time. Choose two of three: healthy, cheap, tasty.
ReplyDelete3-1: There is a box of granola bars behind my basket of various dried foods. It’s been there for a while. I have been coveting them, pining over them. Would anyone notice if I ate them? Do they taste good? I think I remember buying granola bars like this a long time ago. Hey, wait a minute… The actual observation: my memory sucks, but it grants me the ability to surprise myself in the future with gifts.
3-2: Writing comes easier when it’s three o’clock in the morning. But it doesn’t come better.
3-3: The chair in front of me has two circles drawn on its back. These two circles are all it takes for the distinct pattern of a face to emerge. Now I can’t help but see the face in every one of these chairs. It seems impossible that I never saw the faces before.
3-4: “Pan” is an excellent prefix. Panopticon. Panorama. Pandemonium. Pantheon. Pandemic. Pansexual. Pantomime. Pan…cake. Pancakes are an excellent breakfast. Coincidence?
3-5: Overheard: “Is this movie supposed to be, like, a big deal? Like Spiderman?” It’s almost midnight, and I’m sitting in a packed theater waiting for the Watchmen movie to begin.
3-6: Rachel Maddow is a serious journalist and political commentator. But she can be pretty goddamned cutesy when she wants to be.
2/28/09 – The recycling bins in their yard were actually old postal bins.
ReplyDelete3/1/09 – Crumpled pages were piled to the brim of the trashcan. Some had tumbled out and been scattered along the floor, the causalities of her stories and letters.
3/2/09 – These people can barely afford to live in their tiny apartments but are expected to sell as much as they possibly can to every customer, expecting that they all are rich.
3/3/09 – She did her home work in the back of an antique store, curled up in a hundred year old sofa, nails clicking across the key board.
3/4/09 – All these cities made of Jell-O will rot and stink. So much time spent on something so temporary.
3/5/09 – The girls hadn’t noticed their father’s heavy Midwestern accent until they were their late teens and a friend pointed it out.
3/6/09 – The house had become a tomb for moldy books, rusted lamps and broken armchairs. The wallpaper peeled at the edges and smelled of tobacco and rotten wood.
2/28-Generally I calculate a month as four weeks. When I say, "one month from now" four weeks is what I have in mind. It is funny that only one of the twelve months fits the measurement. Also-I harbor a desperate desire to know the root and meaning of each month's name.
ReplyDelete3/1-I leave the house for fifteen minutes and find that I locked out my roommate, who tried to break in, instead breaking a window. I then spend thirty minutes covering the frame to block out moisture and cold. I think it may be better insulation than before.
3/2-The most ingenious elements of Murphy's Law are ranked from one to five as follows-
1 Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
2 Smile....Tomorrow will be worse!
3 All warranties expire upon payment of invoice
4 Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate
5 The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before
3/3-In the middle of a political debate the tormentor asks me if I would want to live for the rest of my life in another country, implying both that it would be an unpatriotic desire and that immigrants in this country have indulged said unpatriotic desire. He uses France as an example of a country to live in. I respond by saying only that I hate the french. He puts his arm around me and says, "See, people with different views can get along because I hate the french too." He pauses and adds as he walks away, "Not the people--the government." I think to myself, "I'm fine with the government."
3/4-during the dark the Horizon Lines seems for an instant to be pulling in vain away from the dock. I think it requires someone to release it so that it may stretch it's legs (or fins). Strangely, Aquaman comes to mind. Or Batman with a boat. Batman can do anything.
3/5-A mother tells her son that Cancun was "eh...pretty...and warm..."-PSSH.
3/6-Pancake batter is a fickle beast.
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ReplyDeleteWithout a lid, this rice will turn to mush, and then what will we eat?"
ReplyDeleteThe park and ride is the only place for respectable young scholars to pontificate.
The cords interlace and eventually get lost behind the bright lights.
What remains in the refrigerator:
olives, catsup, Ketchup,and mushy rice.
"Some men are incapable of finding god." said the man, so he jumped.